That’s what you are told when
diagnosed with POTS. When I first heard that I kind of pushed it aside
and ignored it, thinking it sounded really………….hmm…..can I say spoiled
and……selfish. I thought that if I just
pushed through the fatigue and the ‘not feeling well’ and stopped slacking that
I might be able to learn how to deal with it.
NOT a good idea. I guess I'm sort
of learning just what it might mean..........especially this week. Sunday
night I babysat a 2 1/2 year old. For about an hour and a half, she
literally screamed, fussed, cried ect. It completely wore me OUT. mom had to come over and put her to bed for me.....I
was conked out on the sofa. I think it
was the noise and stress of trying to stop her crying that did it. I ended up sleeping ok, and when I got back
home in the morning I went back to bed.
I had planned on taking my last Chemistry test that morning because I
had PT later in the morning and I had to babysit overnight again Monday
night. I figured that I would be too
tired to it do later so it was basically then or never………so I thought. Mom was not
convinced that I should take it because I bombed the same test a month or so
prior partially because of fatigue and ‘brain fog’…….thanks to POTS!! So I just rested for a little while and left
for PT later that morning.
The news with PT is short but a
lot! I have one more appointment before
being discharged!!!!!!!!!!!! The other thing is I’m probably going to have to
see a doctor for my hip to find out if they can’t do some non-surgical stuff to
it. And I’m not sure what’s going to
happen to my ankle. It still bothers me
a bit and I now have tendonitis in it but it really doesn’t stop me from doing
anything, only hurts occasionally.
After PT and lunch, I slept most of
the 2 hour drive home, and that’s including thirty minutes of waiting for mom
to get out of the grocery store (something I never do). Once I came home I went straight to bed and
slept for about three hours. Mom had to
try to wake me up several times and each time I went right back to sleep. I finally got up and had dinner. Around that time I found out that the
babysitting job had been canceled…………more sleep! I was in bed around eight
thirty or nine and got up around nine thirty in the morning. By then I think I felt like I was beginning
to revive some, enough to take the test.
This past week has been basically
been about not overdoing it. If I want
or need to do something I have to prioritize and not do everything at once or
in one day. I’m not good at it and
probably drive mom up the wall when I insist on
doing stuff. Hopefully I can get the
hang of it SOON!
I can't say that "living life
on your own pace" is selfish because sometimes you really don't have a
choice. You may insist on something but your body can insist on something
entirely different and it usually wins. It’s the admitting it and
actually "living life at your own pace" that is the hard part. It’s
not that you are giving up, it’s just you have to be more creative and unique
with what you do and how.
Alana. This post is very encouraging! While I certainly do not have the same reasons for fatigue that you do (the cause of mine has never really been diagnosed), I have tasted the reality of debilitating fatigue. For the longest time I did the same thing as you…just tried to push past it and through it. But as you have just said that just does not work in the long run.
ReplyDeleteSomething that has helped me tremendously as my college schedule intensified and my own energies became depleted was to consider my moments of exhaustion as moments of investment. Often, as I would sit in my car taking the 2nd nap of the day in preparation for my night class I would literally cry out, “God I feel like I just can’t DO anything! So many moments of my day are wasted because I have to sit back and close my eyes.” Then one day I finally said enough. “God, these bouts of fatigue have become so frequent and so characteristic of my day that I feel as if they are getting in the way of what I am supposed to be doing! And yet I know that with my energy level the way that it is I CAN’T do it all! So what am I supposed to be doing?” Worship. That was the answer. Every human was made to Worship God. “Of course I know I am supposed to worship God in everything I do”, I thought, “but how do I make that practical? If I was made to worship God, then how can I worship God in my moments of tiredness?” I decided that I could use the bouts of tiredness to pray for others and to give thanks to the Lord. Instead of giving into the feelings of frustration and discouragement, I would work through a list of people or organizations that God had put in my life. So at 7:30 am as I walked to biochemistry class with serious brain fog I prayed for my married sister who I knew would also be tired from a night of nursing her baby. Around 10:30am when I could feel the mid-morning slump setting in I would ask God to encourage my pastor as he studied for the sermon and for his own spiritual growth. There were some days in which I had to laugh as I thought; “I have never prayed so much in my life!” The prayers were short and quick but significant.
The significance of this for me has been that it has drawn my eyes away from myself and the pity party I want to have. Doing this does not make me holy nor does it give me more favorable in Gods eyes. Christ has already accomplished that for me. However, I do think that it is drawing my heart closer to His. I don’t remember what Psalm it is but I know in one of them David writes, “the Lord inhabits the praises of His people.” That is what I have been experiencing—fellowship with my Savior at my weakest hour. What a precious thing to know that while we are at the center of our frailest moments (both yours and mine Alana) we can be at work for Him in prayer and fulfilling our truest purpose—worship!
If our fatigue causes us to worship God, then it is not wasted in the least.
Keep resting Alana. Keep learning. Keep worshiping. Thanks for blogging!
Blessings!
Cathryn U